


this old dog ain't about to forget

by bIoodbunny



Category: Warriors - Erin Hunter
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Canonical Character Death, F/M, Pre-AVOS, Reminiscing, retreats to my BETTER and GOOD version where bramble and squilf are just a happy old couple
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-05
Updated: 2021-03-05
Packaged: 2021-03-18 08:01:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,037
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29855037
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bIoodbunny/pseuds/bIoodbunny
Summary: "all we've had, and all that's next."bramblestar's starting to feel his age - once an apprentice, a warrior on a journey, a grieving father, and now the leader of thunderclan. he'd ask himself, "what's next", but he knows that - either way - he'd be spending that 'next' with his family.an AU where starclan didn't lie and alderheart + sparkpelt are never born.
Relationships: Brambleclaw/Squirrelflight (Warriors)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 14





	this old dog ain't about to forget

" _You know, I'm so glad I did that._ " Bramblestar's thick whisper breaks the silence of the leader's den - the drip, drip, drip singing along with the sound. Squirrelflight squirmed a bit, made an unidentifiable noise that might’ve been an agreement, and that told him that she was still awake, too.

“Brambie, you should go to bed.” Her usually high-pitched voice was weary with sleep. Bramblestar bit back a, “ _you know I hate it when you call me Brambie_ ”, and instead came out a, “Says you.”

Squirrelflight snorted, and he could feel her bushy tail from which Firestar (just thinking of his old leader, his old _mentor’s_ name made him fight back pangs of grief) and Sandstorm had named her for tickling his nose. “Shut up, old coot.”

Bramblestar felt like he should’ve never brought it up, let his mate sleep without reminding her of the past too much, but the words spilled out of his mouth. “Taking care of Jayfeather, Hollyleaf, and Lionblaze, I mean.” He heard Squirrelflight choke back something. 

He had loved them. Loved them as if they were his own sons, his own daughter. All he had lived for in those days had been to see that mirthful shine in their eyes when he praised them, _“I’m proud of you, Lionpaw”_. And it felt as if he could die when he noticed that the days had turned and whenever he tried his best to be a good father - I won’t ever be like Tigerstar was - that a certain hate filled up in those eyes he had once wished he could stare into forever.

And that meant he noticed the changes in Squirrelflight, too. She would jump at the lightest raise in his voice, at the slightest growl that rose up in their children’s throats. Her beautiful and kind green eyes looked as if she was accusing every cat she met of threatening to spill her secrets - like Hollyleaf had spilled Ashfur’s blood.

Bramblestar unconsciously shook the tom’s body, bobbing up and down uncannily in the river, _“like he was still alive”_ , as Leafpool had described it out of his mind with a twitch of his head. What Hollyleaf did still stung like a wound dressed with poultice, but what he had done stung ever more so. Trapping his kits and his mates like chickens in a coop, licking his lips and ready to slaughter like a starved fox.

But Hollyleaf - she wouldn’t accept her own clanmate jeopardizing everything she and her family had worked for. If his feelings weren’t so damn complicated and Ashfur was just some rogue or some Shadowclan cat or whoever Bramblestar could see himself thanking his daughter.

_“Like father, like daughter.”_ He chuckled darkly to himself. Hawkfrost’s neck, blood spilling out until it pooled beneath him - his jaws around his own brother’s daughter’s throat, with a look in his eyes that told Bramblestar, _“this is all because of you.”_ before he tightened the grip along with Bramblestar’s screeching wail.  
“No, Hawkfrost, it’s because of our father.” Bramblestar thought to say to him, but he knew he couldn’t convince his brother. The days when they laughed together by the lakeside, talking about their troubles was no longer. Hawkfrost accepted his place, and his place was as an _apology_ for a cat.

“ _But I lied - Leafpool and I lied._ ” Squirrelflight’s voice was thick, and Bramblestar could tell she was trying not to cry - he hated seeing her cry among the worst. He couldn’t really tell her she didn’t lie. He just grunted a bit, tried to open his mouth but he couldn’t find the words.

“They’re yours!” Her face was bright - too bright, like she was trying to hide some other emotion, and Bramblestar should’ve noticed that then but he was far too shocked and happy to care. And he should’ve noticed those days before when Leafpool smelled sweetly of milk and the days after when Squirrelflight would blame her not being able to feed on some sickness far, far after it would’ve passed.

“What’re we going to name them?” The blood was rushing to his ears and buzzing around so much that he could barely hear her when she had asked him. He was going to name Lionblaze, Goldenkit after his mother (Goldenblaze would’ve been a beautiful name) - but one of the other queens butted in that it sounded, “too feminine” - so Leafpool had suggested Lionkit. The other names came to him immediately, thinking of the holly bush and the lone jay he had seen on his way to see Squirrelflight.

Lionblaze had always wanted to be like his father. He was arrogant and strong and thought he owned the entire clan - Bramblestar couldn’t admit to himself that he might’ve wanted Lionblaze to be more like his mother instead. He could hear the apprentices gossip about his son, and felt his chest tighten. They singled him out.   
That was why he went after Heathertail - that was why he ran to Tigerstar and Hawkfrost. He should have intervened. He should’ve said something. He should’ve been there for his _son_.

“I know. And I know how angry I used to get with you - but it doesn’t matter now, doesn’t it? I mean, we treated them as our own, and they loved us right back.” Bramblestar rambled on, trying to ignore the lump forming in his throat, thinking of how he’d used to yell at his own mate like that.

It reminded him of when his father had screamed, accusing his own clanmates of being nothing but fools as he was exiled. I promised myself I would never be him - I promised Firestar I would never be him.

Squirrelflight was quiet for a while - and he noticed that the rain had stopped. He was expecting her to get snappy with him, and he braced for the claws to rake through his heart. He dug his hooked claws into the thick bedding.  
How much Jayfeather complained having to bring it to him would've caused him grief if he hadn’t known how snappy his son could be at times - he knew there was love behind those snarky mumblings.

He remembered feeling an uncomfortable knot curl up in chest whenever he looked at the kit, “he’ll never be a warrior”, his mind would remind him. And Squirrelflight would remind him herself, “Longtail was born sighted, and that’s why he’s in the elder’s den! If he’s born blind, he might have a chance - _give him a chance, for me_ \- Brambleclaw.”  
Longtail. That name stuck to the back of his mind like a troublesome burr. His death had shaken Firestar and what seemed to be everyone to their very core. He could be ornery and tiger-headed, as him and his mentor both had known - but beneath that was a tom that was trying his best to make his clan proud. A tom that would follow shadows and give himself up to the cat he had once viewed as less than dirt to prove it.

“I always looked up to him, y’know, when I was a kit.” He’d told Firestar the sunrise after his death. His leader just nodded and looked him in the eyes, a look of silent agreement.

“You forgot to apologize.” Squirrelflight said curtly, and Bramblestar could imagine those green eyes boring into his back. He did forget to apologize, didn’t he? This wasn’t just her looking for an excuse to be mad at him like all those moons ago. With the flood, and with just clan-life in general - he never gave her the privilege of a true apology.

Not one that’s half-hearted, an excuse to never discuss these things again - his mate seemed to know just exactly when he wasn’t being true to his feelings. “It’s hard. It’s hard being lied to. But, that doesn’t excuse how I’ve hurt you.”

“ _And how you’ve hurt me_ ,” Bramblestar would’ve added with venom if this was moons ago when he was a deputy. But now he was too old and full of regrets to say it.

“ _Brambie,_ ” Squirrelflight stopped herself, and turned to look her mate in the eyes. “Bramble - do you remember when they were all kits? I - wish I could go back to those days.” Either this was a distraction to stop herself from crying at the apology, or this was maybe her letting down her walls finally.

“That’s all I’ve been thinking about, lately.” Bramblestar didn’t lie. 

Squirrelflight’s long ears flicked, creating shadows on her face in the dawn light that was seeping through. “When they were kits, Starclan - Yellowfang told me I would never have my own litter.” Another secret from his mate.

“It’s pathetic, really,” Squirrelflight’s cheeks were dampening - whether that was from the rain or tears Bramblestar couldn’t say - but he rubbed his against hers all the same. “I couldn’t have my own, so I had to steal my sister’s away.”

“That’s not true - and you know it.” The other thing he hated was seeing her doubt herself. His amber eyes grew a fierce light like they had back when they had first fallen in love with each other. A love like a passionate flame that eats through the forest, then calms down into smoke. “They were the best thing to ever happen to us. It didn’t matter that they weren’t ours back then, and it won’t matter now.”  
But smoke still means there’s a chance of fire.

Squirrelflight smiled, a smile not like those fake smiles she’d beam at him back then. All her wrinkles and creases showed through but he didn’t care. “And I thought you were son of Tigerstar, heart of ice and claws of death.”  
Bramblestar let out a laugh - a booming laugh.  
“We’re getting so old that our own emotions aren’t acting right.” He smiled, cuffing his mate playfully behind the ears, probably showing his age with wrinkles and creases just as Squirrelflight was - but she probably didn’t care, either.

“I thought you’d be mad at me for saying that.” Her tail draped over his shoulders, like the coats twolegs would wear. Bramblestar’s ears flicked in embarrassment, the blood rushing to them like a river through the gorge. 

He let out a theatrical hiss. “Woops. Guess I better change that now.” 

The shuffling of paws and the upsetting of leaves and brambles told them somebody else was up besides themselves. Bramblestar craned his neck outside of the den, expecting some kits the be rolling around a mossball or a feather or another kit they were pretending was a Shadowclan warrior like his own had done with him. But instead he saw a golden pelt and heard the nasally sigh of Jayfeather.

“Cinderheart’s expecting my kits soon!” Bramblestar thought he recognized that sweet tang of milk floating around all the other scents. That smell now calmed him, instead of making a lump form in his throat.

“ _Awesome._ Now you’ll be bossing me around all day, every day.” He could practically see his son’s eyes rolling. 

“Hey. You’ve got Leafpool, too, right?” That name no longer made tension grow thick in the air among those two, among Bramblestar and Squirrelflight, anymore. Leafpool had found her peace with her decision.

Bramblestar tried to wedge that image of Leafpool whimpering above her daughter’s body out of his mind, and those haunting final words of Hollyleaf, “"It's okay, Leafpool. I don't mind. I'm glad I came back to ThunderClan. I couldn't bear to - to leave without getting to know my mother."

They both were just trying to do their best in a world that hated their very existence and had ancestors that must’ve been mocking them, Bramblestar now knew.

“She’ll appreciate it as much as I do.” Jayfeather’s tail flicked high up in the air, and along came Lionblaze’s thick laugh.  
“I’m glad I got to do that, too.” Squirrelflight’s thick whisper filled Bramblestar’s ears. _“And we’ve got all that’s next to do it some more.”_ Bramblestar thought, looking at his family surrounding him in this moment.

“So glad,” Bramblestar let out a purr as his tail wrapped around Squirrelflight’s, and watched as their sons bounded off into brambles until they were nothing but ambiguous shapes marked by sunlight on their pelts.

He could see Firestar and Hollyleaf walking beside them like before.

**Author's Note:**

> please note that i have no hate for alderheart nor sparkpelt. they're okay characters (despite my opinions of the majority of avos), i just thought that their birth was a bit of a cliched retcon and really changed the way you look at brambleclaw  
> and squirrelflight's characters and their relationship w holly, lion, and jay.
> 
> also just gonna say that i'm getting a. bit tired of the character bashing that bramblestar's been going through in the fandom lately (discounting the broken code, obviously), so that's half of the reason i wrote this along with nostalgia for bramblestar's storm :)


End file.
